March 2012
I hope Barack Obama figures out the secret formula to the Krabby Patty.
HELENA I HAVE A GREAT IDEA. I CAN MAKE THIS FILM ABOUT UNDEAD THINGS AND YOU CAN BE IN IT! I’LL GET JOHNNY ON THE PHONE. WHERE’S DANNY’S NUMBER?
I will forever refuse to pronounce .gif as jif
I’m gonna go with…Freddie.
Freddie?
Freddie.
Freddie?
Yeah, Freddie.
…
Freddie.
And my uterus is the ring leader.
1-800 contacts? they can’t have my brand
i have special eyes
look
look with your special eyes
MY BRAND
Except I don’t tell you anything about my characters.
Or the plot.
And you’re just reading it thinking:
“What the hell is this?”
“What book is this?”
“I think I want to ship those two characters.”
“Is that a guy or girl?”
“Wat.”
Dramatic Reading Of A Break-Up Letter
- Expectations: Picture-perfect scoops like on the tub.
- Reality: Little misshapen balls of something because you had to carve it out with a fucking spoon.
Donkey Kong Country | Fear Factory









